I cut my penus on the lid.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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