clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
