I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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