Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
