I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
