no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
