DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
organizing the empties. That sober.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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