well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
