he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
