I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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