if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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