Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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