dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
