Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
