that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
