You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
