Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
be right there i have to get my cape
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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