Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
