the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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