Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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