i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
