so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
