I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
