a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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