We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
