why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
