Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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