genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
