Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.