if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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