U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?