Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.