Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.