one might say we're banned from that church
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
