NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
