did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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