Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
