I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
