When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
