yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
