high people should be assigned attendants
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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