i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
