Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
