Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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