I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize