help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
