what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
