Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
