we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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