I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
