God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
