I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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