Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize