I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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