i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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