We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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