so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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