Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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