No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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