Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I look better un-naked...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
