it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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