You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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