Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
