Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
