i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
