dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
