She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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