girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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