i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
