If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm too high and old for this...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
