I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
