Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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