I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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