this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
