8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
