Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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