i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
