Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the day after is always just damage control
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
