your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
