and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
