he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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